D.S.I.D.A.A.K: Dog Food

240px-Flickr_-_cyclonebill_-_Coco_popsWhen I was a child I swore to high heaven that I was the smartest thing walking (who are we kidding, I AM the smartest thing walking…….shut it you!), but there were those rare moments where my brilliance got the better of me.

And we’ve all had those moments right? Those times when you were a child and you had what you thought was a genius idea just for it to be the worst idea in the history of worst ideas (I mean, until you have the next genius [tragic] idea) right? Well I decided to document as much of those moments as I can remember in a new section of my blog called, Dumb Shit I Did As A Kid.

I was at work today having a conversation with on of my co-workers that went from starving Africans to pets to dogs and then this awkward story that I decided to share about dog food that had them dying with laughter.

Now, I don’t particular remember why or how I thought this was a good idea but one afternoon while I was out feeding my dogs at the time my curiosity bent me over a barrel. I don’t remember I old I was when this happened but I’m thinking maybe 11 or 12. My parents only bought dry dog food, pedigree I think it was, and I remembered looking at the food in their bowls as they were munching away and thinking, “Hmm, I wonder what that tastes like?”

Challenge. Accepted.

Me in my infinite wisdom decided that it would be well within my rights to experiment with the flavors of dog food (where were my parents in all of this?). So I went back in to the house (we don’t keep our dogs in the house where I come from), grabbed a cereal bowl, went back outside, poured me a good amount of dog cereal, er…um..I mean, dog food in to the bowl and then went back in to the house. I remember standing in the kitchen pondering just how I was going to do this since I really had no intention of just eating it dry. Then it struck me! I’m sure this stuff has the same consistency as shredded wheat, and probably the same bland taste as well so if I add milk to the bowl and enough sugar to put me in a coma this stuff shouldn’t be half bad! (Seriously, where were my parents?)

So I grabbed the milk and proceeded to make myself a bowl of Pedigree cereal, adding enough sugar to give a cavity a cavity. Time for the moment of truth. I grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and after stirring up the “cereal” for a moment took a spoonful and hesitantly shoved it into my mouth.

For a moment in didn’t taste too bad. With the addition of the sugar and milk it actually did almost taste like cereal. Then I bit in to one of the dog food pieces.

Fuck.

MY TASTE BUDS! THE SUGAR, IT DOES NOTHING! WHHHHYYYYY??

No matter how much I chewed, or how many sips of the bowl I took to get additional diabetic coma sugar milk in to my mouth, the taste of the dog food was just to powerful!

UN-HAPPY. Needless to say that none of it even made it down my throat. I promptly spit whatever was in my mouth in to the sink and threw the rest of the abomination I created right out of the motherfucking window.

Lesson Learned.

@TheKrayze1

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3 responses to “D.S.I.D.A.A.K: Dog Food

  1. I’ve read this and waited to try and process…but every time I try to comment I go into an uncontrollable fit of gagging.

    I laughed…a little…but only between gagging.

    I’m glad your palette has refined since then.

  2. Oh my gosh. That is so bad. Love your writing though and just thinking of a kid eating dog food is hilarious. Since you’ve shared so much, I’ll share with you and this is really disgusting. When I was a kid, i ate gum off the sidewalk. More than once. I’m sickened by myself.

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