Deep Sea Adventures

Don’t let the title of the post mislead you. I’ve never been deep-sea diving in my life. Shit, I can’t even swim (don’t judge me). It is relevant to the story so keep reading.

Back in my freshman year of college I met quite a few interesting people, especially women (no surprise there). Of the interesting people who I met that year, this story focuses around 1 in particular. Her name is Joy-Anne. Now Joy and I  started hanging out a great deal and over time I started to develop feelings for her. I’m not sure she felt the same way and at this point it doesn’t matter.

One night during the fall we were sitting in front of Wilkinson Hall (the name of my dorm), having a nice little chat. Now I happen to think that my conversations are very engaging, fuck that, I KNOW my conversations are engaging, so I have no idea what happened that night. Anyway, while we were talking, another male student whose name I can’t recall at the moment, started approaching us. At first I thought he would just walk past us and continue in to the dorm, but instead he walked up to Joy and whispered something in her ear. What happened next I will never, ever, forget.

After whispering in her ear, he extends his hands to help he up off the steps and they both walk off together, completely forgetting that I was there. No “goodbye”, “see you later” or “I’ll be right back”, nothing. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Words could not express how infuriated I was.

Therein lays the rub.

During our college orientation we were each given a good bag of items that included a lanyard with the school name and logo that I hung around my neck with my dorm room keys. In my anger at the aforementioned situation I took my keys from around my neck and hurled them through the air without thinking. A few seconds later I heard the telltale “plop” that indicated that my keys had found a home in the fountain that sat in front of Wilkinson Hall. Fuck. Now I have to get my feet wet to retrieve them. After taking off my shoes and socks and rolling up my jeans to a safe height I walked over to the fountain and stepped on to the concrete rim. The keys were far into the fountain but they were far enough in that they were out of arms reach.

I remember setting one foot in to the fountain and my feet making contact with the bottom.

That was all I remember.

From eye-witness accounts that were near the scene I was told that the minute my feet touched the bottom of the fountain I slipped, screamed out the word “shit” and disappeared beneath the surface of the water.

I don’t remember any of that. It all seemed to happen so fast that all I remember happening is me putting my foot in the fountain and then emerging from the fountain soaking wet. Needless to say I had to walk through the dorm lobby (after grabbing my keys of course), which  in hindsight had a lot more people in it that normal, and up to my dorm room to change.

I woke up the next morning reliving the events in my head and was grateful that my adventure occurred at night and there weren’t many people to witness my embarrassment. I found out later that morning after I walked into the cafeteria that I was greatly mistaken. Apparently between me going to bed and waking up to get breakfast, the news of my escapades had spread throughout the campus.

I had now earned the name Jacques Cousteau. FML.

Moral of this story? Shit, I don’t even know. Pick something.