Why do people put so much stock into Facebook or any other social media site? If you’re page says that you’re in a relationship and his/hers doesn’t, does that mean that you’re not together anymore? You’re both Facebook/Twitter/Myspace friends and you can see each other posts and I’m sure everyone on his/her page clearly knows that the two of you are dating. What are you so worried about? It’s just a social site. If they deleted their page right now would that mean that your relationship is over as well? I highly doubt it. You suspect that they may be hiding their relationship status from everyone? Maybe you’re reading too much into it. Maybe they’re a private person and would prefer not to have everyone is their business. I’m pretty sure they don’t any attention to your page because they don’t care what you’re page says cause they know what’s important has nothing to do with what your page says. If you’re stalking their page or timeline to keep an eye out for any signs of cheating, then you’re probably barking up the wrong tree. Chances are IF they are stepping outside of your relationship, it’s probably with someone who they aren’t friends with on a social site that you most likely don’t know. I mean seriously, the majority of what people put on their info page is false anyway, so lighten up. These sites are here to help you to connect with friends and family or network, not to stake your claim or to digitally stalk anyone.



A Production Called Life

Years ago we became part of a large play,
We became part of an intricate script that brought our lives together in a very strange way,
There are mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers,
Most of the cast members even know each other,

Characters vary from the old to the young,
From the small to the tall, man we have fun,
This script makes you laugh and often cry,
People we love, those that we hate, and even those that die,

But with a cast this large, there are bound to be rewrites,
Changes in scenery, cities and bright lights,
That’s the bitter/sweet of a script that writes itself,
each day is different, never like the next,

Characters eventually grow old and/or leave,
But new ones are always added, best believe,
And after many “stages” and character changes, there’s you and there’s me,
Where our scene takes us next we’ll just have to see,

There are even sometimes where we’ll stumble over our lines,
But in the end I’ll still be yours and you’ll be mine,
Who knows, maybe you will end up being my wife,
But you can never tell in this play called life.


A Kiss to Remember

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. ~Ingrid Bergman

Do you remember your first kiss? I do. For as long as I live I’ll never forget the first time I kissed her. Christal Alexander. The first woman I ever loved.

I was probably 12 or 13 at the time and she was my first official girlfriend. We’d been dating for a few weeks but had never done anything more than hug or hold hands. I was a very awkward boy at the time and since that was my first experience with a girl I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. School was out for the summer and VBS (Vacation Bible School) was in session. That Friday’s “class” was coming to a close so we ran off to the upstairs balcony of the church to get some privacy before we had to part ways. I don’t remember what we talked about, probably because everything that happened that day was eclipsed by the events that were about to transpire. It came time for us to leave (I suspected my mother was looking for me), and I started down the step. She held on to my hand so I couldn’t take a step further. I turned and looked into her eyes waiting for her to say something but she never did. Instead she pulled me back so that I was on the step just below hers, which brought us to eye level. She released my hand and gently put her arms around my neck and in response I wrapped my arms around her waist. She smiled and slowly moved her face closer to mine. On instinct I did the same. Those seconds that passed, while our lips were coming closer to each other, felt like an eternity. My palms were sweaty and my heart was going a million miles a minute.

In the moment our lips touched, an entirely new world opened up to me. My senses came alive like never before. Time crawled to a stop, or rather we were frozen in that moment while everything else whizzed on around us. My entire body tingled; it was like electricity was surging through it and the only thing keeping me grounded was the fact that her lips were connected to mine. She tasted sweet, like nothing I’d ever had the pleasure of sampling before. It was the most freeing feeling in the world. It felt like I’d become weightless and was floating on a cloud.

And then just like that, the moment (well that particular moment anyway) was over. We parted and went about our separate ways until we would see each other again. For the rest of the day that kiss was all I could think about. I remember getting home and collapsing on my bed and replaying the event in my head, and every time I did this euphoric feeling would just wash over me. I’d get goosebumps (why are they called goosebumps anyway?), float away to cloud nine and I’d be nothing but smiles. In the days following, I’d replay the memory just for the sensation like I was some psychological drug addict. Even thinking about it now, I can still grasp a bit of that feeling from so long ago.

What was your first kiss like?


Monogamy? Please..

“Monogamy is ideal as a standard, but if you look around you, it’s not the end result.” – Justen Michael”

“Monogamy is realistic, but it’s not practical.” That’s how it all started. That one little comment fueled a lively and heated debated that lasted in to the early morning hours.

Monogamy is possible in theory, but in reality, it’s just so bloody difficult! It goes against our biology. Don’t believe me? Take a trip to the mall one day, find a nice spot with lots of mall traffic, and just sit there and observe. Before long you’ll notice that everyone is pretty much checking everyone else out. Men are critiquing women, and vice versa. Even those mall browsing with a significant other can be caught eying the opposite (or even the same) sex from time to time. I’m even willing to bet that while you’re there, you’ll also come across a few nice, attractive and tasty morsels that you would more than love to get your hand around. However, you may not act on those urges because society has beaten us over the head and forced us to frown upon anything other than a monogamous relationship. Why? There are so many gorgeous and appealing pieces of eye candy out there and we’re only allowed to have one? MADNESS!

Why is monogamy so impractical? It’s like going to a buffet. There are so many delicious and appetizing choices that you want to sample everything, but you don’t. Not because you don’t want to, but because you don’t want to look like a greedy pig or get looked at with disgust. So, what do we do? We get a plate, fill it with some things we like, and enjoy it. Then we get something else. Once we’re done with that plate, we get another, and another, until we’ve eventually had enough, or we take a break just long enough to regain our appetite.

Ironically, dating works pretty much the same way. So many choices and so many decisions. You can choose someone who seems to satisfy you, or you can cycle through different choices until you find someone who suits you best. You even have the option of juggling more than one person and then end up finding out that you’ve probably bitten off more than you can chew.

Monogamy is not for everyone. Some people are afraid of being monogamous. Being tied to one person for any considerable length of time is a frightening prospect for them. Why would anyone relegate themselves to one person until death, when there’s enough play out there for a lifetime of fun? Some try to exploit the loophole of being monogamous by having open relationship, but open relationships can be dangerous. Open relationships, like all relationships, are subject to emotional attachments, by some or all parties, carrying the potential of fucking it up for everyone involved.

Either way, no matter what decision you make, it’s still YOUR decision. No one has the right to dictate how you live your life. Live your life in a way that pleases you, just as long as it isn’t hurting yourself or anyone else.


I love you, but..

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”Thomas Merton

There used to be a time when love was blind to flaws and imperfections.  Remember?  Well, maybe you don’t, nevertheless, there was a time.  These days however,  in a society where everyone is on a mission to be perfect, they are also trying to grasp “perfect love”.  Lately it seems the only way to attain 100% of someone’s love is to meet some sort of condition or standard.  When did love become such a tangled web of requirements and contracts? The love I remember involved two people caring and accepting each other for who they were and not what they could be. Love isn’t about settling for someone who you think you can model or shape into the perfect soul-mate.  Isn’t the entire idea behind love to find someone who wants you for who you really are?

How many of you have been in a relationship and your significant other hits you with, ” I love you, but I want you to cut, (or grow) your hair “, or “I love you but you might want to lose some weight (and not for health reasons), or even, “I love you, but your breasts (just an example) are too small”, (or too big). I was taught that love is unconditional, which by definition means, “without condition or limitations“, not “I love you, but”, or “I’ll love you more, if”.  Human beings have a limitless capacity for love, so why are some of us trying to ration it out?

If you love yourself just the way you are, then so should everyone else.  If they can’t love you for you, then they can “kick rocks”.  We all have our own uniqueness and flaws that have shaped us into who we are and no one should try to dictate who we should be, or who they want us to be.  No one is perfect, but we are all perfect in the eyes of the ones that love us.  Unconditional love IS perfect love.

SN:(The same does not apply if you boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler, abuser, or any other serious condition or offense.  Some things you just should not overlook no matter how much you love someone. If you love them, get them some help or seriously think about whether or not you want to spend your life with that person.)

Love, I doubt it..

“Love, you know, is a funny thing; but the funniest thing about love is you never can tell if it is love, until you start to doubt it. Unknown

What do you do when you feel that all the love that you’ve been pouring out isn’t being reflected back at you? When you say “I love you” and they say it back but you just don’t feel it. They say they miss you terribly every time you’re apart but they don’t really make the effort to figure out a way to spend time with you. What do you do when they say “you mean the world me” and they can’t bear to lose you but you seem to be drifting farther apart? What are you supposed to think when you used to furiously text and email each other into the night but now you barely get an email a week? How are you supposed to feel when every time you talk on the phone and they say “I’m going to call you right back” but they never do? You wear your heart on your sleeve knowing there may be a chance that you’d be taken advantage of and maybe heart-broken, but you take the chance anyway.  Now it seems that your worst fears are being realized as it seem they are starting to care less and less about you.

You try to convince yourself, “Relationships have “cold” moments and this is probably just one of them”, but that lingering doubt still creeps and wiggles its way into the back of your mind. They’ve told you how they feel about you and you’ve done the same, so it seems everyone is on the same page, but why do you still feel this way? You’ve asked those closest to you for their advice and they tell you, “everything’s going to be all right”, “you worry too much”, “you’re over thinking it “, and so on and so on.  Maybe you are over-reacting.  Maybe you are thinking about it too much.  You don’t want to jeopardize a good thing because of your insecurities, but you can’t shake that gut feeling that something just isn’t right.

The mind has a funny way of kicking into overdrive when dread and despair surface, fueling our worst fears and leading us to believe that the worst has, or is about to happen.  It’s easy for someone on the outside to dismiss your fears and to tell you that everything is going to be fine, but rarely does it quell your mind.  It’s a natural occurrence for doubt to reveal itself in relationships from time to time, it’s all in how you handle it.  So…what do YOU do?


Race Relations…

“Love sees no color.” – KJ Jerome

It has been almost 150 years since the emancipation of slaves and the abolishment of slavery and over 60 years since upstanding men like Martin Luther King and Malcolm X drove the Civil Rights Movement in an attempt for minorities to gain equality with Caucasians in this country.  As a nation we’ve made strides and have become more accepting, culminating in the fact that we now have an African-American, Barack Hussein Obama, as our Head of State.  However, despite how far we’ve come, we still have a very long way to go.

I was catching up with a long time friend of mine today that informed me that her love life had become rather complicated within the last few months.  She explained to me that she’d fallen in love with a close friend, and although he has feelings for her as well, dating for them would be almost impossible because of the fact that his parents don’t like that she’s African-American (He’s Caucasian).  When his parents found out, his mom asked, “Why’d it have to be a black girl?”  I guess we should be grateful she didn’t ask, “Why’d it have to be a “nigger” woman?”  It also seems his dad has threatened to exclude him from his will if the relationship continues. 

Seriously? Would the situation have garnered less hostility if the subjects were reversed?  To some extent it seems that African-American women catch more hell for dating outside of their race-especially if it’s a Caucasian male-than African-American men.  I wonder why that is exactly…

One has to ask, ‘What’s so bad about interracial dating?”  Is there something that I’m not getting?  Personally I think we should all date outside our perspective races to muddy up the waters a bit, that way we won’t be able to differentiate who’s what.  Why are we still so caught up with color?  The color of your skin has no bearing on who you are as a person, or who you’re going to become, at least it shouldn’t.  Maybe it’s in the upbringing.  As a child I played with children of other races and had no classification of who they were other than “my friends”.  In various aspects of my adult life I’ve now grown to classify other adults not by color but as co-worker, boss, lover, friend, enemy, etc.  I can still see the identifying color of this skin, but I DON”T CARE. People should be judged by their actions and what is in their heart, not on their complexion.

As for my friend and her dilemma, the only advice I could give her was to “do what makes you happy”.  If being with this man is what you want then got for it.  In the end you’re dating him and not his parents or anyone else that is bringing negativity into your relationship.  Let your heart guide you and not your eyes.  Remember, love sees no color.


(For those interested in interracial dating you can check out www.coffeeandcreamlove.com. It’s a very resourceful site that allows you to connect with thousands of potential singles.)