Changes

A few posts back I briefly mentioned that I’ve had some deaths in my family and as such it has made 2016 a very difficult year.

On May 1st 2016, I received the news that my father had passed away. This was not a shock. He had been suffering with Alzheimer’s for  a few years and I knew that it would only been a matter of time. I thought I was prepared for it but as it turns out you can never be prepared enough. After receiving the news and hanging up from my aunt I sat in my office for a moment telling myself that I know this moment would come and it finally did, but that didn’t stop the tears from flowing the way I expected it would. For some reason I did not think I would cry. Boy was I wrong. Before this moment I had never lost anyone really close to me and since then I’ve looked at death and the people who are a part of my life very differently. It opened my eyes to the fact that the people around including myself are getting older and at some point these people are going to pass from this world on to the next and there is nothing that I can do about it. That thought really shook me to the core. You would think that as a logical human being one would know that if you live, eventually you will die, and although we all know this basic truth when it happens it still comes as a shock to us.

Exactly one month from my family laying my father to rest, a woman who I lovingly refer to as my aunt even though she is of no blood relation passed away suddenly from cancer. This upset me more than anything cause unlike my father’s Alzheimer’s, this was sudden and we just didn’t have enough time with her before she succumbed to the disease. So within as many months my family had lost two people very close to us.

Needless to say I have become a different person since then. I’ve dropped in to bouts of depression and often have little patience for people. I go through period that fluctuate between happiness and apathy and have even had brief fleeting thoughts of suicide. While I HIGHLY doubt I will ever do harm to myself, I have come to the realization that my relationships with certain people have changed and I am slowly pushing people away from me. They say that our experiences in life change us. Some for better, some for worse. Not sure what direction I am headed in that regard, but I’m about to find out.

@thekrayze1 

50 Things You Don’t Know About Me

vey-simple-questionsOkay. Let me start my apologizing for not posting consistently for the last few month. These last few months have been hectic with work and school. Without fail Jewels over at AccordingtoJewels has been constantly on my ass to write something on a daily basis. It’s not like I haven’t been meaning to write, but I just didn’t have the spare time or brain power. Now I’m down one class and actually have some free time and instead of sitting at work slaving over quadratic equations I find myself twiddling my thumbs. Luckily a few weeks ago Jewels wrote a post titled 50 Things You Don’t Know About Me and challenged me to do the same.

Challenge Accepted.

Although somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I’m sure I’ve done something like this before……eh whatever.

1. I’m the youngest of 13 children. (Now lower your eyebrows)

2. I’m 31…(Recall my previous statement and lower your eyebrows again. If you try to do the math your head will likely explode.)

3. I shower naked. (Try to stay calm. I hear that’s a norm in this part of the world.)

4. I occasionally have hemorrhoids. (TMI?)

5.I’ve danced in the rain……naked………..In broad daylight.

6. I’m a pleasant pyromaniac.

7. I’ve also lit my bed on fire. (Story about that soon to follow)

8. I had a very short career as a gymnast in high school.

9. I have a degenerative eye disease call Keratonconus.

10. I grew up playing baseball. I didn’t start learning to play basketball till I was in junior high, but by high school I was on the varsity team.

11. I was married.

12. Even though I’m black, (not sure what that has to do with anything) I’ve never seen The Wiz or The Color Purple.

13. In order for me to fall asleep I need to be laying on my left side.

14. When I was 13 I had to perform CPR on my dad to save his life after he was pinned by a truck he was working on. It’s still hard for me to talk about it to this day.

15. I often eat baby power. I think it’s the talc but I always crave it.

16. I’ve never been to a strip club, nor am I interested in ever going to one.

17. Most of my friends are female. The only real guy friend I have at the moment is my best friend Horace.

18. I’m slightly OCD.

19. I don’t like being touched and I have a serious personal space issue.

20. Because of #19 it should be obvious that I don’t like crowds.

21. Even though I grew up on a Caribbean island, completely surrounded by beautiful beaches, I don’t really know how to swim..

22. I need to learn how to swim.

23. I love thrill rides.

24. I love flying.

25. I’m uncomfortable with extreme heights. (I’m a walking contradiction)

26. I grew up in the church and can probably quote bible verses around you in circles.

27. I don’t drink coffee.

28. I’m in love with Ryan Reynolds.

29. I’m forever addicted to Sour Patch kids…..and sour Skittles…..well pretty much any sour candy.

30. I don’t like speaking, which is ironic because in elementary school I often got in to trouble for talking too much.

31. I hate my job.

32. I once drank from my toilet. (Story to come about that as well.)

33. I once has a pet parakeet. However it learned how to open its cage and flew away.

34. I have all 4 of my wisdom teeth.

35. I hate wearing shoes.

36. How I think I look and how I actually look are often very different from each other.

37. I once got suspended from school for vandalizing my P.E teachers car and letting the air out of his tires.

38. I can solve a Rubik’s Cube in 4 minutes or less.

39. I’m currently writing this while at work on my laptop. Even though we aren’t allowed to have any personal electronics on our desks. Fuck it.

40. I’m afraid that I won’t be successful at being a film maker and that makes me reluctant to attempt to film anything, but I will. I’ll fight through my fear.

41. I dislike having to ask for help. If I can’t do it myself then I don’t feel like I’ve earned it.

42. I would like to travel the world sometimes soon. Hopefully if I amount some measure of fame as a film maker I’ll get my opportunity.

43. I’ve been to jail. TWICE!

44. I am deathly afraid of lightning, but I LOVE the deep rumble of thunder.

45. I once woke up to aliens in my bedroom standing over me…seriously…at least I think they were aliens….they didn’t stay around long enough for me to ask any questions…

46. I sometimes believe that I have latent abilities like the ability to see some events before they happen. There’s been more than one occasion where I’ve dreamt something and it actually happened. Unfortunately I don’t realize it’s happening until it’s happened. There’s usually no signs that lead up to the event that would allow me to change or alter what’s will happen.

47. To make up for the fact that I have poor eyesight the rest of my senses overcompensate. I have incredibly good hearing, sense of smell and my skin is aware of even the slightest touch and my can usually pick out flavors and taste differences that some miss.

48. I wear Degree deodorant and I sometimes shop at bath and body works. (Don’t judge me)

49. I have 6 tattoos. 2 on my right leg,  1 on my upper right arm, 1 on my left shoulder, and 1 on each wrist. More on the way.

50. My middle name, Loren, was given to me by my older sister and it’s what my family and most of my friends address me by.

Well that was fun……


@TheKrayze1

See, the Problem is…

emotional-designI’m not a very emotional person. Or rather, I’d like to believe that I’m not a very emotional person. I keep a very stoic attitude towards everything and try my best not to let my actions reflect how I may actually be feeling at the moment.

Actually, that’s not true. I’m a very emotional person. Too emotional sometimes I think. My problem comes with the fact that I internalize a great deal of things, anger, happiness, fear, sadness, disappointment, sympathy, mostly because I don’t know how to express my emotions very well. I never know how to react to things or if the way that I am reacting is correct. I prefer to keep up the facade that I’m emotionless and that people’s thoughts and actions don’t affect me and that I can’t be hurt by the things people say or do but it never works. No matter how much I’d like to pretend like I don’t care it always seems like my feelings are so easily trampled. Every other day it seems like I’m nursing some emotional wound that somehow slipped through a chink in my emotional armor.

Internalization (is that even a word?) doesn’t seem to be working for me to well these days. It accounts for much of my stress and personal conflicts. I care about people’s feelings way to much to tell them how I feel or what I may be thinking. I’m so afraid to hurt people so I’d rather deal with the turmoil within myself than to risk causing pain to someone else.

I sometimes wish that I could turn my feeling and my ability to care for people off but no matter how hard I try it seems like I don’t know how to not care too much. I develop bonds with individuals and then the inevitable event of some sort occurs that has me desperately trying to salvage whats been left of my tattered feelings. I wish I knew how not to care. I wish I knew a sure-fire way to avoid being taken advantage of. I wish I knew how to walk away without looking back. I wish I knew how to not give people the benefit of the doubt. I wish I knew how to not see the potential good in people.I wish I knew how to not expect people to meet me half way. I wish I knew how to not be considerate of people’s feelings. I wish it wasn’t so easy for me to bond with people.

I wish…..

@TheKrayze1

Sexting 2.0 “What the Fuck?”

-accepted-memes-images-629461You know those conversations you have with your friends that may have started out one way, but somewhere along the way things take an extreme left turn and before you know it everyone is like “What the Fuck?”

Yeeeeaaaahh…

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday (who shall remain nameless per her request), when I introduced the word “Idiotard”. Now for those of you who are looking for an explanation to that word then you’re an idiotard, because anyone can see that the word means that you’re a retarded idiot. Anyway, after praising my genius she threw out the idea of creating conjoined words to describe sexual situations.

……………………………………Challenge Accepted!

It all started out fairly normal at first, but then things quickly spiraled out of hand, as you’ll soon read. Below you’ll find a glossary of terms that we’ve come up with so far. By the way, this may not be safe for work.

  • Sexhaustion/Pleasurathon: All definitions self-explanatory, or at least they should be.
  • Hairsmucking: Grabbing her hair while smacking her ass and fucking her doggie style.
  • Ridegasm: When you continue to pound that ass while she’s quivering and quaking during an intense orgasm.
  • Dualgasm: Again, self-explanatory.
  • Distractgasm: When crazy wild sex serves as a distraction from your furious anger. (Not to be confused with the anger bang.)
  • Milsing: Milking your cock by pulsing her pussy walls.
  • Boofing: Grabbing her boobs while fingering her.
  • Jerbling: Jerking him off while nibbling on his ear. (Not to be confused with gerbling which is just cruelty to animals in my opinion)

Here’s where shit started to go downhill…

  • Vagmoutt: The sexual Roshambo (rock-paper-scissors) over which orifice gets penetrated.
  • The Magician: You know, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat? This pulling his cock out of his jeans while he’s pants are still buttoned..
  • Discoballing: Cumming all over her face then sprinkling her face with glitter.
  • Pussy Flume: Pouring liquor down your belly and over your slick pussy and letting him drink from you.
  • Slurpee: Paying extra oral attention to the balls.
  • Snorkel: Oral sex in the shower….(Ok, that one was pretty genius)
  • Strobing: Having ass slapping sex in a room with a clapper.

Here is where things REALLY took a turn for the crazy and kinda offensive.

  • The Helen Keller: Blindfold, ball gag, and noise cancelling ear phones for an intense sexual experience focused only on sensation….(Actually….)
  • The Ray Charles: Blindfolded while music is playing..
  • Kriss/Kross: When a man cross-dresses then starts scissoring with a woman…(what?)

We need psychiatric help…

@TheKrayze1

I Just Don’t Know…

confused_babyI have a daily routine. Come in to work, loathe my job, and go home. During my daily routine I tend to use my breaks and lunch for personal reflection and maybe jot down notes or write articles for my blog…much like I’m doing right now. Usually I have my earphones in and my music turned up to momentarily tune out the outside world so that I can focus on whatever it is that has my attention for the moment. Some people get the hint but most don’t and will STILL try to have a conversation with me even though I can’t hear a fucking thing they’re saying (I mean what is it with people these days that just don’t get the hint?).

There are times however that I’m in such a hurry to get my ideas to paper (Or to Microsoft Word in this instance) that I forget to throw up the “Do Not Disturb” sign by putting my earphones in and inadvertently welcome in all the crazy.

This morning I was sitting in the break room alone with my laptop open adding a few songs to my iPhone when in walks one of my female coworkers.  I pause for a brief moment readying myself for a possible random conversation that I’ll have no interest in of which I’ll have to fake my way through, but it doesn’t happen. Instead she walks to the nearby soda machine and proceeds to enter decision-making mode trying to decide on what carbonated and ridiculously overpriced beverages she might purchase(seriously, you should see the prices they charge for these drinks). After a few seconds of being on edge it doesn’t seem like I’ll be bothered so I go back to my perusal of iTunes.

I dropped my guard too soon.

Coworker: “I wish I had someone that I could have wild and crazy sex with on a regular.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Coworker: “(giggling) You know I wish I had someone that I could have wild and crazy sex with on a regular. I mean I have someone like that but…I want someone who whenever I call them they’d come over and spend the night and we could just get it in. I was talking to (another coworker) and the said that Aquarius people like to have sex and it’s true. If it were possible I would be having sex every single night.”

Me: “(nervous laugh) Um… good luck with that?”

I mean WHAT THE FUCK? How? What? Why? Why would you think it’s even remotely ok to say something like that so someone? How were you expecting that conversation to unravel? Then I thought about it for a minute. Was that her way of making a pass at me? Was that her indirectly direct way of saying that she wanted my dick? I mean, not like there was a snowball chance in hell of that even happening. I’m in no way even remotely attracted to this broad. Nope. No sir. If I was, it would have been a different story. Under different circumstances I would have gladly given her a business card for Rescue Dick Enterprises and given her a…..wait, I’m getting off topic here. Um…what was I saying, oh right, beaten with an ugly stick. And when I say beaten with the ugly stick I’m not really referring to her face. There are other attributes that contribute to her overall unattractiveness. If it’s not bad enough that she’s not the prettiest person in the world but her personality is very ugly as well. She’s always talking about someone behind their back while smiling in their face and she can’t keep anything a secret. If you want something to spread around the office don’t send an email, just tell….whoa, I almost dropped her name. This woman has very loose lips, and not in a good way either. Actually, having loose lips is never good in anyway…..I’m getting off topic again.

Anyway, HOW RANDOM WAS THAT SHIT?! This job, I swear.

@TheKrayze1

Male Bathroom Etiquette

urinalI’m not even sure where to start with this one. At first when I was entertaining the idea of writing this it was just based off of a few pet peeves that I have while using the bathroom. As I thought about it more I realized that I’d probably be doing the general male public a favor by laying down a few guidelines for male bathroom etiquette.

And ladies before you call me out for nit-picking, let me just say it’s not the same for us guys as it is for women. You guys use the bathroom as a communal gathering of estrogen to discuss matters of the heart, take duck faced pictures for Instagram and other trivial matters(I’m going to catch hell for that I’m sure). For men the bathroom is business only. Go in, do what you do, and get out.

However, I think some men have forgotten that there are rules in place for using the mans bathroom. Well since it has slipped the minds of some of you I’m going to refresh your memory with a few tips of what you should and should not do while in the bathroom.

  1. Do NOT talk to me while I’m using the urinal. Seriously, my penis is in my hand. For a man, this is one of our most vulnerable moments. We’re exposed and in no position do defend ourselves if shit goes down. We need to be on alert in case some shit happens and you trying to have a conversation about how shitty this job is or how hot Barbara from accounting is just takes away from my attention.
  2. Do NOT talk to me while you are using the urinal and have your penis in your hand. I’m going to respect what you’re doing and let you concentrate on aiming so don’t sabotage yourself by trying to strike up a conversation with me.
  3. If we are both using the urinals at the same time, we are NOT pee buddies. Do NOT talk to me. Your penis is in your hand and my penis is in my hand. It’s already awkward enough, so please don’t add to the weirdness.
  4. Speaking of simultaneous urination, if we are using the urinals at the same time please leave a one urinal gap between yourself and the other gentleman. This is non-negotiable. If you walk in to the bathroom and the only urinals that are free are the gap urinals, then FUCKING WAIT! That is not an open invitation to squeeze yourself in between two men. No Exceptions.
  5. Do NOT talk to me if I am using the bathroom stall or vice versa. Rules 1 and 2 still apply in this instance. Just because you’re behind closed doors still doesn’t mean it’s allowed. I mean chances are if I’m in using the stall it’s either A.) all that’s left is the urinal gap and I’m not going to be that guy (see no. 4) or B.) I’m taking a deuce. Which means my pants are around my ankles, another vulnerable position for a man. The gap rule applies for stalls as well but can be ignored since there is a partition separating you and I. HOWEVER, please do not let your feet slide under the partitions. You’ve been warned.

Here are also a few things to remember.
If you and another guy are at the urinals, don’t look over at him, stay facing forward.
If you get a little on the seat, wipe it off. I mean really how hard is it to get a piece of tissue and clean up after yourself.
This isn’t a fucking gym. There’s no need for all that grunting. You’re taking a shit not lifting weights. It can be done silently.
Talking is only allowed at the sinks among other men at the sinks. No cross communication should be had by any man washing his hands with another man at the urinal or in the stalls.
Wash your hands. No, seriously, wash them. If I see you leave the bathroom without washing your hands, it’s your funeral.

I HAVE SPOKEN!

@TheKrayze1

 

Pardon me Ma’am, You seem Thirsty…

Desperation? That can be a justification for all kinds of behavior. -Jessica Walter

Earlier this week I wrote a post stemming from a conversation that I’d had with a friend of mine that made for very interesting “BlogFodder”(hats off to @ladyestrogen for the term). Well thanks to my best friend of over 10 years, I’m please to share with you another of our random yet inspiring conversations.

As it goes, I was home last night doing a bit of gaming before heading to bed when I heard the familiar light-saber chime (yeah, I’m a loser)  that indicated I had received a text message from my friend Horace. Upon opening the message I saw that it was a picture of a woman, (which it often is) that I’d never met.

Now before I continue let me share some things with you that may make things a little easier to understand. A few years ago Horace met a woman who’s name I won’t reveal even though she was a total bitch, dated her for a few months and after what seemed like true love decided to marry her. A few short years after that things went south and they inevitably got divorced. Since then he’s been truly relishing the single life and taking the opportunity to meet as many women as he can through Craigslist or dating sites such as Plenty of Fish. So getting a picture of a random new woman is nothing out of the ordinary. Let’s continue.

ME: Who’s this?

Horace: Some chick I just started talking to from POF.

ME: Oh ok. She’s actually kinda cute. How long have you been talking to her?

Horace: Monday.

Keep in mind that I’m writing this post on Friday or the same week.

(Another picture comes through, this time it’s a closer picture of her in what I just now realized was her bra taken of herself in with her cell phone in the bathroom )

ME: She’s really cute. Except for that mole smack dab in the middle of her face, but yeah, thumbs up.

Horace: Yeah, that mole. LMAO. I’m going to need her to stop sending me pics though.

ME: Why?

(In comes another picture of her, no bra this time. The picture stops right above where her nipples would be and it looks like she may be in the shower.)

ME: Um…Well… I still don’t see the problem here. Obviously she wants you to destroy her.

Horace: Especially with that last pic.

ME: Again, not seeing the problem.

Horace: Me either.

ME: You’re the one that said you wanted her to stop sending you pics!

Horace: Not so many of them.

(Yet another picture comes through, this time you can clearly see her breast and she’s dripping wet and obviously in the shower)

ME: Yeah dude, she really wants to get it. Did you ask her for nudes?

Horace: Nope.

Who sends unsolicited nudes to a guy that she’s only talked to for 4 days and hasn’t even met? In my opinion that just screams “low self-esteem” or someone who doesn’t give themselves enough credit and is either desperately seeking attention or is in some serious need for some penis action. What I’m confused about it why. I happen to think that this woman is quite pretty and wouldn’t need to be so hard up for some dick. I’m actually curious to meet her and talk to her and find out what her personality is like. Maybe that would shed some light on the amount of question I have running through my head right now.

What do you guys think? Am I wrong for thinking that this woman seems a bit “thirsty”? What reasons would there be for someone to behave in this manner? Do you think they are just inviting themselves to be used? Your thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

@TheKrayze1

 

P.S. I wanted to include one of the lovely lady’s pictures so that you can see how cute she is, but decided against it. If you want to see her picture you can DM me and if I deem you trustworthy enough I’ll share it with you privately.