My Mind In Turmoil

Two posts in one night/morning/day? This has to be some kind of a record. Anyway, like I said in my previous post. I can’t sleep. I have a shit ton on my mind and it’s starting to cause me some sleepless nights. What are these problems? Well without getting into specifics, my issues range from, money to stress to work to family and the list goes on and on. I tend to keep lots of things bottled up inside and it’s getting to the point where the pressure is building and the top is about to blow.

And I know what you’re saying, “You should probably talk to someone about it, it would help”. Yes, I’m sure it would help, but I tend to be a very private person and of the few people I would be willing to talk to about it, one of them I’m not allowed to talk to anymore and the other I don’t feel entirely comfortable sharing with because some of my issues involve them. I’ve found myself in a conundrum.

Just a few minutes ago I stepped outside to get some of the cool February air on my skin and it just so happened to be raining. Without thinking I walked in to the street lifted my face up to the sky and allowed the rain to dot my face. For a brief moment the cool drops of water seemed to clear my mind and everything sort of washed away. It was freeing to not care about who was looking at me from their apartment window or that they may thing I’m crazy. I allowed took a few deep breaths inhaling the cold air and allowed muscles to relax. I was momentarily at peace. If only it were permanent and that easy. My brief respite had to end.

If only I could really find a way to wash my problems and be happy again.