You know those conversations you have with your friends that may have started out one way, but somewhere along the way things take an extreme left turn and before you know it everyone is like “What the Fuck?”
I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday (who shall remain nameless per her request), when I introduced the word “Idiotard”. Now for those of you who are looking for an explanation to that word then you’re an idiotard, because anyone can see that the word means that you’re a retarded idiot. Anyway, after praising my genius she threw out the idea of creating conjoined words to describe sexual situations.
It all started out fairly normal at first, but then things quickly spiraled out of hand, as you’ll soon read. Below you’ll find a glossary of terms that we’ve come up with so far. By the way, this may not be safe for work.
- Sexhaustion/Pleasurathon: All definitions self-explanatory, or at least they should be.
- Hairsmucking: Grabbing her hair while smacking her ass and fucking her doggie style.
- Ridegasm: When you continue to pound that ass while she’s quivering and quaking during an intense orgasm.
- Dualgasm: Again, self-explanatory.
- Distractgasm: When crazy wild sex serves as a distraction from your furious anger. (Not to be confused with the anger bang.)
- Milsing: Milking your cock by pulsing her pussy walls.
- Boofing: Grabbing her boobs while fingering her.
- Jerbling: Jerking him off while nibbling on his ear. (Not to be confused with gerbling which is just cruelty to animals in my opinion)
Here’s where shit started to go downhill…
- Vagmoutt: The sexual Roshambo (rock-paper-scissors) over which orifice gets penetrated.
- The Magician: You know, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat? This pulling his cock out of his jeans while he’s pants are still buttoned..
- Discoballing: Cumming all over her face then sprinkling her face with glitter.
- Pussy Flume: Pouring liquor down your belly and over your slick pussy and letting him drink from you.
- Slurpee: Paying extra oral attention to the balls.
- Snorkel: Oral sex in the shower….(Ok, that one was pretty genius)
- Strobing: Having ass slapping sex in a room with a clapper.
Here is where things REALLY took a turn for the crazy and kinda offensive.
- The Helen Keller: Blindfold, ball gag, and noise cancelling ear phones for an intense sexual experience focused only on sensation….(Actually….)
- The Ray Charles: Blindfolded while music is playing..
- Kriss/Kross: When a man cross-dresses then starts scissoring with a woman…(what?)
We need psychiatric help…