Happy Valentine’$ Day!

“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day.  When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.”  ~Author Unknown

Initially I intended to write a poem for this festive day, but decided to go in a different direction.

Today, February 14th, is known around the world as Valentine’s Day. It is a day celebrated by giving our significant others greeting cards(originally called Valentines), flowers, and confections. On this day people are prompted to reflect on the love they have for a special someone or someones and as such express that affection. However, over the years this day has also served as a reminder for many single individuals (mostly women), of how alone they are and as such this day can be quite bitter-sweet. But has anyone actually stopped to think about how this day originated?

Valentine’s Day got its namesake from one or more Christian martyrs whose name was Valentinus. For those of you who aren’t familiar with what a martyr is you can click here. Any who, Saint Valentines was persecuted and killed because he refused to convert to Roman Paganism. That’s it. End of story. There were no romantic elements associated with him whatsoever. He wasn’t killed because he “believed in a thing called love” (hehe score for The Darkness reference. Over 1000 years later however, a man by the name of Geoffrey Chaucer(maybe you’ve heard of him), got the crazy notion to associate this day with romantic love in a poem he wrote in 1382, and because people usually don’t do their homework, they were bamboozled into thinking this should be a customary practice.

Here we are centuries later and this holiday has turned into a billion dollar business fleecing many for their hard-earned dollars. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not bitter about today in any way. To be honest I think the initial concept behind this idea is a very noble one, but like most other holidays that we celebrate I believe it has lost most of its meaning in favor for commercialism. Sites like Proflowers, FTD and Hallmark are making a killing today (average sales ranging between $50 and $150) because people are spending 100’s of dollars on flowers, candy and jewelry. Think about this, I’m not sure what it’s like in any other state, but here in Maryland on any giving day I can drive by a little Mexican man selling a bouquet of flowers for only $5. Greeting cards are always on sale in most stores and chocolates and sweets are never in short supply. So what’s stopping us from showing our love each and every day? Don’t you think your significant other would appreciate the gesture on a regular basis instead of one misinterpreted day a year? I guarantee that if people put as much effort into showing love to their significant others all year round like they are doing today, the idea of Valentine”s Day would become obsolete.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

@TheKrayze1

RANT RANT RANT!

Why do people put so much stock into Facebook or any other social media site? If you’re page says that you’re in a relationship and his/hers doesn’t, does that mean that you’re not together anymore? You’re both Facebook/Twitter/Myspace friends and you can see each other posts and I’m sure everyone on his/her page clearly knows that the two of you are dating. What are you so worried about? It’s just a social site. If they deleted their page right now would that mean that your relationship is over as well? I highly doubt it. You suspect that they may be hiding their relationship status from everyone? Maybe you’re reading too much into it. Maybe they’re a private person and would prefer not to have everyone is their business. I’m pretty sure they don’t any attention to your page because they don’t care what you’re page says cause they know what’s important has nothing to do with what your page says. If you’re stalking their page or timeline to keep an eye out for any signs of cheating, then you’re probably barking up the wrong tree. Chances are IF they are stepping outside of your relationship, it’s probably with someone who they aren’t friends with on a social site that you most likely don’t know. I mean seriously, the majority of what people put on their info page is false anyway, so lighten up. These sites are here to help you to connect with friends and family or network, not to stake your claim or to digitally stalk anyone.

@TheKrayze1

Ok, You caught me

“Infidelity is a choice made of our own free will.”

People cheat because they can; but, for several generations men and women have been trying to discover the decision-making process behind why people cheat. Granted, there may be a good reason that prompted them to throw fidelity to the wind, but it is more often the case that they saw the opportunity and took it. For many, the risqué act brings a rush of excitement to their lives. I don’t condone cheating, as it isn’t fair to anyone involved. However, if you want to “have your cake, and eat it, too”, here are a few common sense tips on how to avoid getting caught.

• A secret is not a secret if you tell someone. You did something naughty and you’re just dying to tell someone.  Here’s an idea: DON’T. Who ever stayed out of trouble by telling people their business?

• Dispose of the evidence. You got a sexy picture of his/her privates? Look at it and delete it. I know you want to be able to look back and refresh your memory from time to time; but, holding on to those emails, texts, pictures or videos might, and probably will, come back to bite you in the ass later. There’s nothing like plausible deniability. “I did what?! Prove it!”

• I’m sorry, do I know you? Never, and I mean NEVER, cheat on your significant other with someone who they know. That’s Armageddon waiting to happen; and, you may not come out alive. If you do make it out alive, you’re going to wish you were dead.

These suggestions are just that – suggestions. They aren’t ironclad, but they may just help you live a little longer. No matter how slick you think you are, there’s always a chance that you will get caught. If you do get caught you’re going to have to do some damage control if you want to save your relationship. Here are some things to remember.

• Guilty as Charged. Tell the truth. Unless you know for a fact that you can get out of trouble, just come clean. There’s no point in denying it any further if you’ve been caught with you your hand in the “nookie” jar. Continuing to deny it only makes things worse.

• Anyone order a slice of humble pie? Humble yourself. The only thing that should be coming out of your mouth should be “you’re right”, and “I’m sorry”.

• Clean-up, aisle 5. The quicker you can get a handle on the situation the better. If both of you are willing to reconcile, you have to move fast and move past.

The best advice I can give is just don’t do it. Cheating isn’t right and causes more harm than good. However, if you do decide to stray, please protect yourself. There are a lot of diseases going around; and, some people aren’t very forthcoming. You don’t want to compound your infidelity by having to tell someone that you may have given them an STD. Be safe.

@TheKrayze1

Monogamy? Please..

“Monogamy is ideal as a standard, but if you look around you, it’s not the end result.” – Justen Michael”

“Monogamy is realistic, but it’s not practical.” That’s how it all started. That one little comment fueled a lively and heated debated that lasted in to the early morning hours.

Monogamy is possible in theory, but in reality, it’s just so bloody difficult! It goes against our biology. Don’t believe me? Take a trip to the mall one day, find a nice spot with lots of mall traffic, and just sit there and observe. Before long you’ll notice that everyone is pretty much checking everyone else out. Men are critiquing women, and vice versa. Even those mall browsing with a significant other can be caught eying the opposite (or even the same) sex from time to time. I’m even willing to bet that while you’re there, you’ll also come across a few nice, attractive and tasty morsels that you would more than love to get your hand around. However, you may not act on those urges because society has beaten us over the head and forced us to frown upon anything other than a monogamous relationship. Why? There are so many gorgeous and appealing pieces of eye candy out there and we’re only allowed to have one? MADNESS!

Why is monogamy so impractical? It’s like going to a buffet. There are so many delicious and appetizing choices that you want to sample everything, but you don’t. Not because you don’t want to, but because you don’t want to look like a greedy pig or get looked at with disgust. So, what do we do? We get a plate, fill it with some things we like, and enjoy it. Then we get something else. Once we’re done with that plate, we get another, and another, until we’ve eventually had enough, or we take a break just long enough to regain our appetite.

Ironically, dating works pretty much the same way. So many choices and so many decisions. You can choose someone who seems to satisfy you, or you can cycle through different choices until you find someone who suits you best. You even have the option of juggling more than one person and then end up finding out that you’ve probably bitten off more than you can chew.

Monogamy is not for everyone. Some people are afraid of being monogamous. Being tied to one person for any considerable length of time is a frightening prospect for them. Why would anyone relegate themselves to one person until death, when there’s enough play out there for a lifetime of fun? Some try to exploit the loophole of being monogamous by having open relationship, but open relationships can be dangerous. Open relationships, like all relationships, are subject to emotional attachments, by some or all parties, carrying the potential of fucking it up for everyone involved.

Either way, no matter what decision you make, it’s still YOUR decision. No one has the right to dictate how you live your life. Live your life in a way that pleases you, just as long as it isn’t hurting yourself or anyone else.

@TheKrayze1

I love you, but..

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” – Thomas Merton

There used to be a time when love was blind to flaws and imperfections.  Remember?  Well, maybe you don’t, nevertheless, there was a time.  These days however,  in a society where everyone is on a mission to be perfect, they are also trying to grasp “perfect love”.  Lately it seems the only way to attain 100% of someone’s love is to meet some sort of condition or standard.  When did love become such a tangled web of requirements and contracts? The love I remember involved two people caring and accepting each other for who they were and not what they could be. Love isn’t about settling for someone who you think you can model or shape into the perfect soul-mate.  Isn’t the entire idea behind love to find someone who wants you for who you really are?

How many of you have been in a relationship and your significant other hits you with, ” I love you, but I want you to cut, (or grow) your hair “, or “I love you but you might want to lose some weight (and not for health reasons), or even, “I love you, but your breasts (just an example) are too small”, (or too big). I was taught that love is unconditional, which by definition means, “without condition or limitations“, not “I love you, but”, or “I’ll love you more, if”.  Human beings have a limitless capacity for love, so why are some of us trying to ration it out?

If you love yourself just the way you are, then so should everyone else.  If they can’t love you for you, then they can “kick rocks”.  We all have our own uniqueness and flaws that have shaped us into who we are and no one should try to dictate who we should be, or who they want us to be.  No one is perfect, but we are all perfect in the eyes of the ones that love us.  Unconditional love IS perfect love.

SN:(The same does not apply if you boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is an alcoholic, drug addict, compulsive gambler, abuser, or any other serious condition or offense.  Some things you just should not overlook no matter how much you love someone. If you love them, get them some help or seriously think about whether or not you want to spend your life with that person.)

Race Relations…

“Love sees no color.” – KJ Jerome

It has been almost 150 years since the emancipation of slaves and the abolishment of slavery and over 60 years since upstanding men like Martin Luther King and Malcolm X drove the Civil Rights Movement in an attempt for minorities to gain equality with Caucasians in this country.  As a nation we’ve made strides and have become more accepting, culminating in the fact that we now have an African-American, Barack Hussein Obama, as our Head of State.  However, despite how far we’ve come, we still have a very long way to go.

I was catching up with a long time friend of mine today that informed me that her love life had become rather complicated within the last few months.  She explained to me that she’d fallen in love with a close friend, and although he has feelings for her as well, dating for them would be almost impossible because of the fact that his parents don’t like that she’s African-American (He’s Caucasian).  When his parents found out, his mom asked, “Why’d it have to be a black girl?”  I guess we should be grateful she didn’t ask, “Why’d it have to be a “nigger” woman?”  It also seems his dad has threatened to exclude him from his will if the relationship continues. 

Seriously? Would the situation have garnered less hostility if the subjects were reversed?  To some extent it seems that African-American women catch more hell for dating outside of their race-especially if it’s a Caucasian male-than African-American men.  I wonder why that is exactly…

One has to ask, ‘What’s so bad about interracial dating?”  Is there something that I’m not getting?  Personally I think we should all date outside our perspective races to muddy up the waters a bit, that way we won’t be able to differentiate who’s what.  Why are we still so caught up with color?  The color of your skin has no bearing on who you are as a person, or who you’re going to become, at least it shouldn’t.  Maybe it’s in the upbringing.  As a child I played with children of other races and had no classification of who they were other than “my friends”.  In various aspects of my adult life I’ve now grown to classify other adults not by color but as co-worker, boss, lover, friend, enemy, etc.  I can still see the identifying color of this skin, but I DON”T CARE. People should be judged by their actions and what is in their heart, not on their complexion.

As for my friend and her dilemma, the only advice I could give her was to “do what makes you happy”.  If being with this man is what you want then got for it.  In the end you’re dating him and not his parents or anyone else that is bringing negativity into your relationship.  Let your heart guide you and not your eyes.  Remember, love sees no color.

@TheKrayze1

(For those interested in interracial dating you can check out www.coffeeandcreamlove.com. It’s a very resourceful site that allows you to connect with thousands of potential singles.)